things I thought about today

My parents are getting old, but they still have the same faults that they've always had: my dad's stubbornness and explosive temper, and my mom's nosiness and cluelessness. They raise their voices a lot, but sometimes only for 30 seconds. The moment passes, and they're back to laughing and smiling. Sounds weird for any relationship, but it's worked for them. I just feel lonely watching their lives, but they themselves are the ones who say they really just enjoy interacting with each other and don't care about other friends.

Coming home once a year is actually kind of strange. Nothing here has changed, but I know that I have changed so much. Besides my room and my bed and the things in our house still being in the same place they were when I was little, my parents are still the same. Their thoughts and perspectives are the same as they were when I was little. Yet, I am completely different. It's like my parents live in a time capsule that I open once a year around Christmas time.

Sitting around reading blogs and daydreaming today, I came across Roxy's entry about sugar daddies. It made me curious enough to go browsing around a sugar daddy website myself to see what kinds of men are available in my area. A couple of them actually caught my eye (if their profiles and pictures are to be believed). Would I ever do this? Wow, I don't know. I definitely wish I had the guts to do it (and in a more single state of being that I would be able to do it).

Ultimately, I think I would be too chicken and too afraid that something bad would happen to me. But wow, I'm tempted, and not exactly sure why. What does that say about me? I'm not really sure either. But at 26, I feel I'm a bit too old for sites like that. Aren't they looking for 20 year olds?

I've been holding out on Twitter for a long time. I know everyone is doing it, but I just didn't think it's for me. I don't own a phone with data (and have no plans to get one), so I would never twitter on the go. I'm at my computer most of the day, but do I really need to broadcast what I'm doing constantly? Isn't that why I never update my facebook status? But at home with nothing to do, I signed up for Twitter, just to "try it out." Very nicely, it offered to check my email account for friends who are already members. I was surprised at the list ... even a couple of professors!

So in the end, I gave in to Twitter. I'll give it a shot, but don't hold your breath.

On the relationship front, I've been thinking about Broadway here and there. We had some interested conversations about our future right before I left for the holidays, on a jet plane. We're both graduating sometime in 2009, so the question is "Then what?"

Where do we go? Do we stay in Boston? Do we go somewhere else? To him, the question is how to both find jobs in the same location, if not Boston? To me, I think I'm still a little hung up on the whole "Do we look for jobs in the same location, even if that's Boston?" part.

So I've been thinking about this last part the most. What does it mean that I am still mulling that one over in my head? That I question whether or not it's important for us to be in the same place geographically after graduating?

Am I doing the same thing to Broadway that the Ex did to me three years ago? If I'm not sure about things, I should just lay it out straight for Broadway, right? But I guess I'm not sure if I'm sure about things, which probably was where the Ex found himself then, too. So really, I can't blame him too much. But I'm thinking hard about it ... and I don't think the Ex ever did.

But that honestly is the only thinking that I've done about the Ex and his whole engagement stuff. I couldn't care less anymore. Ever since writing that email, I've just stopped thinking about it all. And now, I am really glad I kept that email as uncomplicated as I did. I know I took the higher road. Ha!

Will write more on Broadway later ... it deserves its own entry. I also got an internship, which was a nice surprise.