bridesmaids

Coming out of college, I worried that I wouldn't have enough good, solid girlfriends to have the "right" number of bridesmaids at my wedding, whatever that number might be. And then I worried that none of my good solid girlfriends would themselves get married anytime soon, so when will I ever be a bridesmaid? What the heck?? I am glad that I'm past that mental phase of my life now.

After my bridesmaid experience last summer and a wedding that I attended two weeks ago, I now wonder what is the point of bridesmaids? Are they there to help celebrate YOU, the bride? Or are they there for you, the bride, to celebrate and honor their friendship? Realistically, it's probably somewhere in between the two, but I wish it where more on the side of celebrating the friendship.

Being a bridesmaid sucks. It's so much time, money, energy, with little to no appreciation. I suppose you want to do something nice for your friend the bride, and the proper bridesmaid mentality is that you'll sacrifice yourself so your best friend in the world can have a fairy tale wedding. But really, it's just a super sucky job. You parade down the aisle in some off-green silk taffeta or other gown that matches the girl's next to you. Neither one of you particularly liked that dress, but it was the only one that all 5 of you didn't decidedly hate. Fantastic.

The wedding I attended two weeks ago also had 5 bridesmaids. They paraded down the aisle, only to sit back down once the priest started the ceremony (Catholic ceremonies are too long to stand through, apparently). As an old friend of the bride, I got invited to some of the pre-wedding festivities for the bride and girls. So I went to the bachelorette party with a sex toy rep (actually kinda fun) and a bridal lunch with an awkward assembly of the female members of both families. Wow, what a mess. I was so glad I could bow out, but the bridesmaids, they all had to stay there for many many hours longers.

So that made me think about where I now stand on bridesmaids. I don't think I want any bridesmaids at my wedding. I think I will just have one big party for a wedding. No walking down the aisle, no officiant making you exchange vows in front of everybody, no speeches by family and wedding party--just one big fat party. When you're talking about one big fat party, it makes even less sense to have bridesmaids. What would they even do? Help me get dressed before the party? But it was that exact part that I hated doing as a bridesmaid, and I feel rather royal and princessy making my friends help me dress and put on jewelry.

I wonder if my friends would be offended when I don't ask them to be bridesmaids. I do want to celebrate and thank them for their friendships on my big day. I definitely want them there to be a part of the big fat party. But would they feel weird getting some special acknowledgment without being a bridesmaid? This might be too much off the beaten-path. I like the part where the bride & groom give gifts to their wedding party. I really don't like the part where the wedding party is subjected to become servants, taking the "maid" part almost too literally.