Today, I feel good about HB. Despite all the uncertainties, I feel that we would make a great couple, and that I want to be with him. How will I feel tomorrow? I don't know.
But today, I felt great, and I told him so in our 5-hour conversation this morning (morning my time, evening his time since Beijing is 12 hours ahead and all). We talked about how I have a pseudo lunch date tomorrow with that guy from this past weekend, and he joked that he will go to sleep early so that he would be asleep during my date as opposed to awake and freaking out.
One thing I really like about HB is that I feel comfortable talking to him. I feel safe telling him just about anything, and we talk so openly about everything. I don't feel judged in my thoughts or actions that I secretly am slightly ashamed by. I just tell him about it, and then we talk about how it affects us and makes both of us feel. It's great. It's the most open I've been with anybody in a relationship, even though we're not technically in a relationship.
His question to me at the end of today's conversation was whether or not I can promise him to not sleep with any guys before we see each other in October. I can go out and flirt all I want and garner all the attention of all the men that I want, but at the end of the day, I can't kiss them, and I can't sleep with them. Anything in the baseball diamond analogy of hooking up would be off-limits, but I can flirt all I want.
I think I can do it ... but I'm afraid I think that today because today I feel good about HB. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like this is all a big mistake.
Who knows? But today I told HB that I would give it a shot. And in essence, I am giving him and me a shot. Long-distance, here I come?
Yikes, I'm freaking out.
2 comments:
I guess the question is: are you, by nature, a flirt? When you're single or in a relationship, do you find flirting with guys and getting their attention to be irresistible?
Good luck, sweetie! I am glad you feel like you're moving in the right direction.
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