I'm kinda sick of writing about HB and Broadway and relationships. HB and I did get back together, about 1.5 days after we broke up. I don't even know why we broke up. though the reasons I wrote last week for breaking up haven't changed for the most part. They just don't really seem that big of a deal and possibly exacerbated by distance. He has been working his way productively through those two issues, though, which is good. Bleh, may write more later.
Broadway made some huge steps this week. He disauthorized me on his Google Calendar. He blocked me on Gchat. And he left Facebook altogether. Of course I'm sad, but I'm also glad to see him making progress, and if that's what he needs to do, that's what he needs to do.
Other life issues have been consuming me in the meantime. This crazy drama came up involving an older woman whom I work with and a frisbee teammate of mine. The woman and her husband (both in their 50s) own a house in Providence, but both hold jobs in Boston. It's two 1-hour commutes a day from Providence to Boston, oftentimes 1.5-hours with all the heavy traffic, and they finally got sick of it and wanted to rent a room in/around Boston to stay in during the week. My 30-year-old frisbee teammate happened to have a room open up in her house, so I connected them, and everyone got along, and this woman and her husband became my teammate's new roommates. They've now been roommates for about 6 months.
I should say that I love everyone involved in this situation. I love my teammate, though she has serious emotional and self-image issues, and I absolutely love love love the woman whom I work with. I've only met her husband a handful of times, but he always seemed like a good guy, and they seemed to have a great relationship.
Last week, while Work Woman was traveling for work, her husband decided to have a heart-to-heart with my Frisbee Teammate. He told Frisbee Teammate that he's attracted to her and wondered if she had the same feelings for him. She told him no, and that was basically the extent of the conversation. I saw Frisbee Teammate the next evening at our twice-a-week evening game, and she couldn't stop crying as she told me the story of what had happened. She is completely creeped out, she feels threatened, she had anxiety attacks all day, and she is afraid to go home.
I empathized with her feelings and offered her my place to crash (which she turned down), and supported her decision to ask Husband and Work Woman to move out. Frisbee Teammate sent a very angry email to Husband requesting this and basically chewed him out for having done this to her. She feels very wronged and victimized in the situation and told him so.
Husband agreed to all of Teammate's requests, is moving out and also paying an extra months' rent so that Teammate has ample time to find someone else to fill the empty room. In addition, he told Work Woman what had happened, and they are now going to therapy to work on their relationship.
I definitely felt a bit lost, caught in some kind of weird triangle. Teammate confided in me, but it also involves Work Woman, whom I work closely with and absolutely adore. I felt wrong that I knew all these details of something that's obviously very private between Work Woman and her Husband and at first wasn't sure how to approach it. I finally went up to Work Woman on Monday to give her a hug, and she broke down a little, and we talked about how hurt she was and how much she doesn't understand why this happened. She said that Husband was horrifyingly embarrassed and claims that he has learned his lesson and knows that he made a HUGE mistake in approaching Teammate about this instead of talking to his wife.
As this week progressed, Work Woman in trying to better understand her husband's actions, asked Teammate for her side of the story, just to make sure everything lines up with what Husband had told Work Woman. Teammate's response was that she does not feel comfortable talking about it and telling Work Woman everything, especially now that Work Woman is obviously staying with Husband and trying to make their marriage last. Teammate also told Work Woman that she doesn't understand why Work Woman would want to stay with Husband after all of this, to give him another chance, and to try to preserve their 15-year marriage.
As I mentioned, Teammate has some serious emotional and self-image issues, many of them related to her disastrous history with men and relationships. Her response to this situation was definitely an over-reaction. I'm not saying she shouldn't be upset, but her feelings of victimization are a bit extreme. She does not want to talk to or see Husband or to have him ever step foot in her house (not surprising), and she also insists that Husband could not have possibly told Work Woman everything (not surprising given her general distrust of men, but is essentially paranoia). This of course made Work Woman question her husband's integrity and honesty. She wondered if a lot more happened (like did he try to touch Teammate, did he actually proposition something), and if Husband was still keeping things from her.
On top of this, Teammate sent a really nasty email to Work Woman (bcc'ing me, why??) with requests such as: "You need to move all of your stuff out of the room Saturday night because that's the only night when I won't be there." I felt deeply sorry for Work Woman after reading the email. Teammate's harsh email was a bit uncalled for, but not surprising given her general fragile emotional state. But it just further adds distrust and stress to Work Woman whose Husband did something very very stupid, but did not ultimately break the sanctity of their marriage in any way.
Work Woman asked me today if I would listen to her and what Husband told her and let her know if there were discrepancies with Teammate's story. I did, and Husband did indeed tell her everything. Like I guessed, Work Woman was very concerned with Teammate's discomfort at telling her side of the story. That indeed led Work Woman to further question whether or not Husband told her the whole truth.
On the other hand, Work Woman very intuitively wondered how much of Teammate's reaction to the whole situation from beginning to end was a result of Teammate's past, and how much of it was actually in response to what Husband said to Teammate. I assured Work Woman that a majority of Teammate's reaction stems from Teammate's chaotic history with men, and that her reaction is a bit of a disconnect from what actually happened. I believe that Husband has told Work Woman everything, and I told her I am glad that they were working on healing their relationship. They obviously have some problems they need to work out in their relationship, but they love each other, and this situation has forced them them to take a look at those problems so they can be better together. And that is a good thing, as unfortunate as the situation was that led to this evaluation.
I hope this saga for me has finally come to an end. I still feel for Teammate, but I find it hard to counsel Teammate in any way. She does not take advice well and has very different ideas about men than I do. I'm not sure there is anything that I can do for her except to listen, which I have done so far. I don't share her distrust for men, and sometimes it feels like she just wants to wallow in her own negative thoughts and wants someone to provide redemption that her hatred of men is warranted and rational. I don't share that view, and it's especially hard because I feel that she is in denial about her own prejudices against men.
As for Work Woman, I feel so much better that she feels better after our conversation today, and I do think we relate to each other well. In the end, I am really glad that I could be there for Work Woman because I know Teammate so well and can help explain some of the reasoning behind Teammate's actions and let Work Woman know that most of it has nothing to do with Husband but rather an entire line of men in Teammate's past who has hurt her and deceived her and done who knows what else to her.
Whew. Putting this behind me now.
