New developments

I've been working like crazy the last week or so in preparation for my meeting with my advisor this morning. It looks like I am on track to graduate soon-ish. What a relief. I just want to get out of this place. Granted, I took some time off with the whole China stint, but this coming September still marks the 7th year from when I started this program back in 2004. Yikes, that's a long time.

In other news, HB is going to be in Boston in less than an hour!

I know. Craziness.

It started with that commitment we talked about where I can look, but I can't touch. Then he found an awesome flight deal on Air Canada to fly from Beijing to North America. We contemplated his coming here for a while and decided that we were both super excited about it, so he looked into the Air Canada deal, only to find that they don't have any available flights until late October (what??).

That completely bummed us out. It's one thing to think it an impossibility to see each other. It's another to build up hopes that we can see each other, only to have them utterly dashed.

Since regular fare flights are about $2k from Beijing to Boston roundtrip, he was really iffy on whether or not he would still be able to come to Boston. That's when I stepped in and offered to pay for half his ticket.

His response? "Seriously? Wow, if you're offering that, I would book a ticket in a heartbeat."

Which is exactly what he did, last Tuesday. He timed it coincide with the end of my meeting with my advisor so that we can celebrate together. I can't wait to see him.

Emotions

Today, I feel good about HB. Despite all the uncertainties, I feel that we would make a great couple, and that I want to be with him. How will I feel tomorrow? I don't know.

But today, I felt great, and I told him so in our 5-hour conversation this morning (morning my time, evening his time since Beijing is 12 hours ahead and all). We talked about how I have a pseudo lunch date tomorrow with that guy from this past weekend, and he joked that he will go to sleep early so that he would be asleep during my date as opposed to awake and freaking out.

One thing I really like about HB is that I feel comfortable talking to him. I feel safe telling him just about anything, and we talk so openly about everything. I don't feel judged in my thoughts or actions that I secretly am slightly ashamed by. I just tell him about it, and then we talk about how it affects us and makes both of us feel. It's great. It's the most open I've been with anybody in a relationship, even though we're not technically in a relationship.

His question to me at the end of today's conversation was whether or not I can promise him to not sleep with any guys before we see each other in October. I can go out and flirt all I want and garner all the attention of all the men that I want, but at the end of the day, I can't kiss them, and I can't sleep with them. Anything in the baseball diamond analogy of hooking up would be off-limits, but I can flirt all I want.

I think I can do it ... but I'm afraid I think that today because today I feel good about HB. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like this is all a big mistake.

Who knows? But today I told HB that I would give it a shot. And in essence, I am giving him and me a shot. Long-distance, here I come?

Yikes, I'm freaking out.