GB has had a beard since his freshmen year of college (seven years ago). He shaved it once about a year ago just to test it out, and I've been bugging him to shave it again because I want to see his face (see point #5). I like beards just as much as the next girl over, but I like it for the scruffiness of an outdoorsy type, not for an everyday thing that's been trimmed five times over.
Every once in a while, something triggers my bringing up his beard, and today I asked him if he would ever consider shaving his beard. He asked why, and I answered "so I can see what it's like!" He argued that he shaved it a year ago and hated it.
So I said "Well, I didn't get to see it a year ago when you did shave it."
He replied stubbornly, "well, whose fault is that?"
I joked, "We weren't dating then, so it's your fault for not pursuing me."
This went back and forth, playfully for a while until I suddenly realized that perhaps I was annoying him with my persistent insistence that I'd like to see him clean-shaven. And sure enough, he soon came out full-force with his self-righteous logic:
"Well, it's MY face and MY appearance. You don't get to decide how it looks. I decide. I said that maybe one day, you'll get lucky, and I'll shave my beard, but that's not on YOUR schedule. That's on MY schedule, and you don't get to dictate that. You have no right. You're overstepping your bounds. In fact, you don't even have a right to ask me to do this. That's already overstepping yours bounds."
That really hit me hard. I know that I don't have a right to tell him what to do, but at the same time, I never thought of things as being that clear-cut, nor do I think they should be. In a way, we all surrender some rights by being in a relationship. Some stranger on the street certainly has no right to tell me how to dress, but my boyfriend making a comment about my shirt is gonna get more of my attention.
I feel pretty stuck on this argument (as I do with most arguments with him). I can't argue his logic; of course I have no RIGHT to ask him to shave his beard. He's right: it's not my face; it's his. But I feel like I should have the privilege of asking because I'm more a part of his life than anybody else right now, and he should take my request more seriously instead of dismissing it immediately because no one should have the right to tell him what to do with his beard.
Was I out of line to ask him? Is he right that I have no right to do so? Maybe I should have just dropped it altogether. I dunno.
I feel pretty hurt right now, but I know he feels self-righteous. So once again, I feel like I need to swallow up my hurt and go say "I'm sorry baby, you're right, I don't have a right to ask you to shave your beard. You should be able to wear it however you want." Which is how most of our arguments end, with me apologizing for something that I didn't feel I was out-of-line for.
*sigh* relationships.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
not that I generally wish this on people ...
A few weeks ago, I ran into an acquaintance at a celebration reception for a retiring member of our school's top administration. In typical chit-chat fashion, we went through the formalities of asking each other what was new. His answer was typically cryptic, that so much was new, but he didn't have the time nor desire to go through all of it at that particular moment.
Okay ... Well, good day, and good luck on everything; I'm going to get another drink, and I'm sure I'll see you around. *Fake teeth-flashing smile* (Not).
To his credit, he did throw me a bone and allude to the fact that his wife of two years and he had recently separated, to which I made an empathetic face and expressed my concern. I gave my well-wishes, saying something vague and empty like "All relationships are hard. Good luck."
After I turned away to "get another drink", my actual thought was, "I wouldn't be surprised if your wife left you because you're an arrogant prick". This sentiment stems back to when I first met him some two years ago, realized that he was married to a cute girl, and immediately gawked to myself wondering just who in the world would marry this asshole.
Last week, Facebook declared both Uber-Prick and ex-wife to be single, so I guess they really are going through with the divorce (both of them are under 25!). Not that I generally wish this on people, but I kinda feel a sense of vigilante justice that he got what he deserved.
Okay ... Well, good day, and good luck on everything; I'm going to get another drink, and I'm sure I'll see you around. *Fake teeth-flashing smile* (Not).
To his credit, he did throw me a bone and allude to the fact that his wife of two years and he had recently separated, to which I made an empathetic face and expressed my concern. I gave my well-wishes, saying something vague and empty like "All relationships are hard. Good luck."
After I turned away to "get another drink", my actual thought was, "I wouldn't be surprised if your wife left you because you're an arrogant prick". This sentiment stems back to when I first met him some two years ago, realized that he was married to a cute girl, and immediately gawked to myself wondering just who in the world would marry this asshole.
Last week, Facebook declared both Uber-Prick and ex-wife to be single, so I guess they really are going through with the divorce (both of them are under 25!). Not that I generally wish this on people, but I kinda feel a sense of vigilante justice that he got what he deserved.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
this contradiction of mine...
What's a good age to marry? I used to think 25, and here I am, rapidly approaching 25 with not really a prospect. Most days I WANT to find someone to marry, to settle down, to have kids. I'm not sure if this is what society tells me to do, or if there is some internal biological clock that's starting to scream now that I am less than six months away from my quarter-century birthday.
The other part of me is definitely not ready to marry. This is the part that I rarely admit to and certainly almost never let out. Deep inside, I know that I can hardly even commit to a dating relationship. My eyes are always wandering; my thoughts are always inappropriately focused on other men.
Just the other day, I got an email from a college fling. Even since we met in our first year of college, we'd been flirtatious with each other up until we actually hooked up in the spring of our third year. We dated briefly afterwards, left on good terms, but something was always still there between the two of us. After I started dating Key, he was always the model gentlemen, never so much as even look at me more than what was appropriate, but whenever we did run into each other, there was always a level of silent sexual tension we both felt.
So the other day I got an email from him that was quite flirtatious (though in response to a silly email from me that could probably be easily interpreted as flirtatious). He moved to an exotic part of the world about a year after we graduated, and he recently celebrated a birthday in a major big exotic city. I had emailed wishing him a happy birthday and told him that I hoped he had fun in Big Exotic City. He emailed back saying that he will be sure to celebrate closer to Boston next year so that I can partake in the festivities.
My heart skipped a beat reading that, and I started to imagine all kinds of possibilities if he were to come around and visit Boston, most of which is completely inappropriate given my current status of in-a-relationship. This got me thinking that these days, I really do wish I were single so that I can make decisions by myself, without having to take anyone else's feelings into account. Essentially I want to be able to act and not be held responsible for my actions.
As soon as this thought crossed my mind, I realized this contradiction of mine: my brain tells me that I want to settle down because I am of-age, but the rest of me wants to live life without inhibitions imposed on me because of my relationship status. I want someone to kiss and to hold me at night, but I want just as much to flirt with cute boys standing next to me in a grocery line or to re-kindle an old flame.
I have come to terms with the fact that I'll settle down when I settle down. If that's meant to be 30, fine. If that's meant to be next year, then so be it (though GB would really need to step it up a notch here). If finding a mate for life is just not in the cards for me, fine too, I'll learn to deal because I would have to (though I hope this isn't the case).
That's all fine and dandy, but I worry that I'll never shake this habit of wandering eyes and mind, even when I have settled down, whenever that may be. I keep telling myself that I just haven't found the right person, that with the right person, I won't think adulterous thoughts. But less than 50% of me actually believes that. I worry that I will always harbor these thoughts.
Does everyone feel this way? Or do most people who marry really entertain no thoughts of other men? I wish I knew.
The other part of me is definitely not ready to marry. This is the part that I rarely admit to and certainly almost never let out. Deep inside, I know that I can hardly even commit to a dating relationship. My eyes are always wandering; my thoughts are always inappropriately focused on other men.
Just the other day, I got an email from a college fling. Even since we met in our first year of college, we'd been flirtatious with each other up until we actually hooked up in the spring of our third year. We dated briefly afterwards, left on good terms, but something was always still there between the two of us. After I started dating Key, he was always the model gentlemen, never so much as even look at me more than what was appropriate, but whenever we did run into each other, there was always a level of silent sexual tension we both felt.
So the other day I got an email from him that was quite flirtatious (though in response to a silly email from me that could probably be easily interpreted as flirtatious). He moved to an exotic part of the world about a year after we graduated, and he recently celebrated a birthday in a major big exotic city. I had emailed wishing him a happy birthday and told him that I hoped he had fun in Big Exotic City. He emailed back saying that he will be sure to celebrate closer to Boston next year so that I can partake in the festivities.
My heart skipped a beat reading that, and I started to imagine all kinds of possibilities if he were to come around and visit Boston, most of which is completely inappropriate given my current status of in-a-relationship. This got me thinking that these days, I really do wish I were single so that I can make decisions by myself, without having to take anyone else's feelings into account. Essentially I want to be able to act and not be held responsible for my actions.
As soon as this thought crossed my mind, I realized this contradiction of mine: my brain tells me that I want to settle down because I am of-age, but the rest of me wants to live life without inhibitions imposed on me because of my relationship status. I want someone to kiss and to hold me at night, but I want just as much to flirt with cute boys standing next to me in a grocery line or to re-kindle an old flame.
I have come to terms with the fact that I'll settle down when I settle down. If that's meant to be 30, fine. If that's meant to be next year, then so be it (though GB would really need to step it up a notch here). If finding a mate for life is just not in the cards for me, fine too, I'll learn to deal because I would have to (though I hope this isn't the case).
That's all fine and dandy, but I worry that I'll never shake this habit of wandering eyes and mind, even when I have settled down, whenever that may be. I keep telling myself that I just haven't found the right person, that with the right person, I won't think adulterous thoughts. But less than 50% of me actually believes that. I worry that I will always harbor these thoughts.
Does everyone feel this way? Or do most people who marry really entertain no thoughts of other men? I wish I knew.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
my manquarium
I got the link from Girl Dates London and built my own manquarium. I have to say that this is absolutely hilarious. Basically you build a man of your dreams, and he swims around saying cheesy things to you and even knocks on the glass.
My favorites so far:
"If a genie granted me three wishes, I'd wish for you, me, and a seahorse built for two."
"Goddess, if you left me, this manquarium would overflow with my tears."
Wow, this is fun. I'm essentially just sitting here with headphones in, listening to the manquarium guy pay me compliments. I am Goddess after all. hahahaha
My favorites so far:
"If a genie granted me three wishes, I'd wish for you, me, and a seahorse built for two."
"Goddess, if you left me, this manquarium would overflow with my tears."
Wow, this is fun. I'm essentially just sitting here with headphones in, listening to the manquarium guy pay me compliments. I am Goddess after all. hahahaha
Monday, June 4, 2007
so the boy has mono
Back when GB was being whiny about about sick, and I just wanted to cry about Key, we didn't know what was wrong with him. His symptoms got better for a few days, and we thought he'd gotten over whatever weird infection he had, but he ended up getting much worse and finally went back to the doctor yesterday, and they diagnosed him with mono after a blood test.
This whole time, he's thought that it may be mono, but my question was where he would have gotten mono? I've never had mono, but he claims that sometimes people can be carriers of mono without even knowing it. That seemed really unlikely to me, but okay whatever.
I guess the good thing is that since we now know what's wrong with him, he can't go on complaining and whining about not knowing what's wrong with him. At some point, I lost my empathy and compassion for his getting sick because I couldn't stand all the whining. I wanted to tell him to just suck it up, and all he would do is mope and drag his feet and whine and act more pathetic because he can't help it; he's sick.
*sigh*
So I wonder if I'll get sick, too, because I really have never had mono. I don't believe that I would have gotten mono and not reacted to it, or have had it and chalked it up to a normal cold. If I do get sick with mono, especially now that summer's setting in, I am going to be very resentful. Yet, I know I can't get mad at him; he couldn't help it. But then who DO I get mad at? The world, for my terrible luck?
This whole time, he's thought that it may be mono, but my question was where he would have gotten mono? I've never had mono, but he claims that sometimes people can be carriers of mono without even knowing it. That seemed really unlikely to me, but okay whatever.
I guess the good thing is that since we now know what's wrong with him, he can't go on complaining and whining about not knowing what's wrong with him. At some point, I lost my empathy and compassion for his getting sick because I couldn't stand all the whining. I wanted to tell him to just suck it up, and all he would do is mope and drag his feet and whine and act more pathetic because he can't help it; he's sick.
*sigh*
So I wonder if I'll get sick, too, because I really have never had mono. I don't believe that I would have gotten mono and not reacted to it, or have had it and chalked it up to a normal cold. If I do get sick with mono, especially now that summer's setting in, I am going to be very resentful. Yet, I know I can't get mad at him; he couldn't help it. But then who DO I get mad at? The world, for my terrible luck?
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