here we go again ...

I haven't been home for even a day, and the talking's begun. My mom wants to know if I've given any more thought to everything they've said regarding RC thus far. My dad wants to know why I would knowingly go into a forever-together relationship with someone whom I know could very well be paralyzed in 20 years. I try to dodge the conversation, and I lose my temper, which just makes my mom more frustrated because she thinks I'm being stubborn and not understanding what she's telling me. My dad gets frustrated because he wants to know why I lost my temper when they're both talking to me in a normal tone of voice.

I just want to scream.

I understand perfectly everything that my mom has said. She needn't remind me of all the risks I'm taking in wanting to stay with RC, potentially marrying him. She needn't tell me that I have to think longer-term, I have to think about my life 10, 20, 30 years from now. I lost my temper because I didn't feel like my parents were really honestly talking to me. They wanted to pester me until I came around to their way of thinking and break up with RC. They won't rest until I tell them, "mom, dad, I broke up with RC." And then they would rejoice.

That's the worst part. I halfway don't want to end things with RC because I don't want to give my parents that satisfaction, to hear their joyous reaction as they go about their day feeling better that they somehow managed to save their daughter from a lifetime of doom for the next 2/3 of her life. They would not be sympathetic; they would not say, "We're really sorry honey. We know how much he meant to you."

No, they wouldn't say that. I can just hear the conversation now ...

me: "mom, dad, today I think we broke up."
mom: "good, the earlier the better."
dad: "good, better to not waste your time on something that would be very bad."

THANK YOU mom and dad. Thanks for all the non-support.

We're off to a city about 4 hours away tomorrow to visit some friends of theirs for the holidays. I'm dreading the 4 hour car ride. At least, when at home, I can just leave and go upstairs. Go watch TV, get on my laptop, something. In a car, I can't escape. I'm f-ing 24 years-old, and I have to go on car trips with my parents and have them treat me like a little kid.