long-distance relationships

For the past week, I've been chatting with Willow online. Every night. For HOURS. We'll start around 9 or 10pm, and go until 1 or 2 in the morning. Sometimes when RC's studying at my place, I'll be sitting next to RC while chatting with Willow.

Yesterday, I think RC got fed up with studying at my place, so he left before I even got out of bed. I lounged around for a while, and finally got up and kept lounging around my apartment for the rest of the day. Because it was Sunday, Willow and I started chatting earlier in the evening, around 6 or 7. He recapped some football for me, but after I called my parents, we got into some serious discussions.

My mom pissed me off once again on the phone, so I talked to her for about 5 minutes before hanging up. She brought up RC again. Actually, she kept asking me questions until I couldn't deny having spent Saturday with RC because it was telling her or lying to her, and I didn't want to lie to her. Her point yesterday was that I should start spending less time with him so that WHEN I get around to actually breaking the news to him that we can no longer be together (after his exams, of course, because being an Asian mom, she's still very concerned about everyone's academics), it wouldn't come as too big of a surprise if I have already waned the amount of time I spent with him.

This made me scream at her. What does she mean by "WHEN"?? She is already assuming that I am agreeing with her, and that this is what I want to do as well, and I told her full-well when I was home that I was not going to listen to her on this one, that I am perfectly happy with whatever back problems RC has, and that if we do break up, it would not be because of his physical handicaps. I told her that she is entitled to her opinions, but she cannot impose those opinions on me.

After we hung up, of course Willow asked me how it was to talk to my parents, and the story came out. He said that he understands, and that he gets frustrated with his mom, too.

At one point, I vented to him that "I don't even want to tell her stuff, such as that we will probably break up soon. I didn't want to tell her because that's what she's telling me, and she won't listen that my reasons for reaching that decision are COMPLETELY different from her reasons."

We went on to talk about other things ... but he came back to that statement.

"I don't mean to be nosy, but earlier you mentioned a little doubt about your relationships?"

Ah-ha, the hook worked. I do think I let it drop on purpose that RC and I would probably break up soon, and I was disappointed that he didn't take the bait, but maybe he was just mulling it over in his mind whether or not to make a comment.

So I told him that RC and I aren't really happy, that we broke up once when he visited in Ctown, got back together, but ever since my getting back after the holidays, things just really haven't been the same. Then the conversation went onto other things ...

Until out of the blue, he asked me, "Off the topic a little ... how do you feel about long distance relationships?"

I wasn't sure what to say because I didn't want him to read into it too much in terms of making predictions about him and me, potentially. Or did I want him to read into it?

I replied, "I dunno, experience is that they don't work so well, but it depends on the people."

Then I started one of my discourses, as if I knew everything there is to know on the topic. I talked about how I thought the key to long-distance is knowing that there will be an end, so then it's not as hard because it's easy to see a time when the two of you can be together.

He asked me if it mattered how long it takes before the end of the long-distance. I said that I would think so, but honestly, I don't know.

"Right. I guess we can talk about it more when things are more established, or if it's going to be established."

Woah, I thought we had been talking in abstract this whole time? Not sure how to respond, I just said, "yeah".

A minute later (which is a long time of no typing), he said, "I didn't think we would get onto this topic so soon, but I am glad that we did."

Did I miss when the conversation stopped being abstract and started being about him and me specifically? When I relayed the chat to good friend West Side this morning, she seemed as surprised as I was at the leap from abstract to specific.

In the end, I feel like I want to eat my cake and to have it, too. I like talking to him; I liked hanging out with him in Ctown when I was home for the holidays. But I don't like him enough to start a long-distance relationship 1000 miles apart. So maybe I should stop leading him on ... but it's so nice to chat with him every night.