We're not back together ... we just sleep together. Where's the logic in that? I'm not sure. I just know that I've become THAT girl, the one that if she were your friend, and she came to you for advice, you would tell her that she's making a mistake, and that she's fooling herself. And then you would shake your head and silently judge to yourself because you don't want to make her feel bad. Then you would tell her that you would support her no matter what she decides because you're her friend, and that's what friends are for, but for her sake, you just don't want to see her get hurt.
I know all of this, and I guess I must think it's okay despite since I'm still doing it (or I'm just delusional). Ever since Saturday night, RC's spent every night at my place. A while ago, I read somewhere about all the fuss related to a breakup: the head-toss goodbye, to the stuff-exchange, to the makeup sex that happened one night, to the break-up #2, to the awkward meet-up(s) for coffee, to the finally acceptance. I laughed when I read it then, but so far, it looks like RC and I have played out up to step #3.
Do these stages really happen in a lot of breakups? I think most people have the self-control and restraint to stay away from each other after a break up ... but neither RC nor I were ever particularly good about self-control or restraint.
So how do I justify this in my own mind? I keep thinking about how I'm a bit sick of relationships, how I just want some time on my own, so in the meantime, what's the harm in having some no-strings-attached sleepovers with an ex? Surprisingly, RC actually brought this up and said that he thinks what we're doing is fine as long as both of us are single, and that we would stop soon as one or the other starting dating someone.
Okay, so maybe he's fooling himself too. Can we really be friends-with-benefits with an ex? This soon after the breakup?
Yeah ....
3 comments:
Hee hee well I guess I dont have anything to say then....
I feel like im actually coming to more of a slight understanding of relationships or at least what I want out of relationships. But I havent been able to put it into actual actual practice yet.
the song is right: breaking up is hard to do. i mean, really really hard if you still care about the person and are breaking up due to circumstances beyond your control.
my ex-husband and i went through the EXACT same thing you and RC are going through, not post-divorce but many years ago when we broke up for about a year.
even after the breakup, we still couldn't bear to be apart. we continued sleeping together for maybe 6 months, and then finally stopped when he moved away. only then was i able to move on (at least till 6 months later when we got back together).
i'm sure my friends were totally judging/feeling sorry for me but whatever. and one annoyed me by constantly saying that he and i weren't really broken up. but we were because that promise wasn't there anymore.
i think it's more than a friends with benefits situation. it's not wrong or right or whatever. like i said, breaking up is so difficult, it's natural that we hang onto each other afterwards. it's comforting.
even after the divorce, i missed my ex. he'd be the one i'd talk to when i was upset, and then he wasn't there when i was at my most upset.
i'd say just let this ride out. it will probably come to an end naturally.
Everyone, every situation is different. In most cases, I've really needed to cut the cord and move on. With Tim, we lingered for a few months spending nights together. The sex part faded gradually. Nothing was ever explicitly said, I think we both just realized that we weren't *there* anymore.
I can definitely be easier to let it ride, but it also can take a little longer because it's fuzzy.
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