Crying about Key

You know, I really thought I was over that shit, done, no more. Key tells me he's uncomfortable talking to me, but he does want me to be happy. I'm curious as to why he's uncomfortable, but not curious enough to write him back. Now it's been some two or three months later, and I still haven't wrote him back, nor talked to him at all. I really thought I was done.

But here I go again crying about him. Sunday, he graduated law school. Not a peep from him, not even a "hey, I graduated, here's my new information". Nothing. Maybe I'm expecting too much; maybe it's still too early to send out new contact information emails. I just keep envisioning/daydreaming situations in which he and I will meet again (maybe a mutual friend visiting town), and he will see how fabulous I look and how incredibly stable I am and just how fun and happy I am, all without him in my life. Then I cry at the irony of my wanting him to see my stability without him, right after I cried about him graduating law school. Yes, I am incredibly stable right now.

It doesn't help that GB's been sick with this mysterious disease that no one can diagnose, and whose only symptoms are a low fever and a massive headache. He's been like this since last Wednesday. At first I was supportive and there for him and fed him soup and told him "awww baby, I just want you to get better." But after a whole five days of that with no inkling of him getting better, I started to get annoyed. Partially because GB was getting whinier by the minute, partially because it was just a crappy rainy weekend and Key was graduating on Sunday.

The whole being against social conventions thing is starting to grate on my nerves too. At one point, GB said that he'd take me to a nice restaurant if I get x, y, and z done this week. Already annoyed, I asked him what he meant by a nice restaurant, and that started a whole argument (he called it a discussion) about our differences and how I like fancy restaurants, but his definition of nice is somewhere that's not the local Chili's.

This didn't help the crying over Key, because Key was always so good about wanting to get all dressed up and taking me out some place nice. Sure, he always did it for my birthday, or Valentine's Day, or an anniversary, but sometimes he'd just do it for fun. GB would never do that, not even for special occasions like my birthday. He told me that I should go do things I like with my friends, like go with them to fancy restaurants if that's what I really want to do. But come on, nice restaurants are meant to be shared with that special someone :(