parents

Relationship with the 'rents have been extremely down lately. I call my parents once a week, on Sundays. Sometimes we talk for a long time; other times it's a mere minute or two just to say hi, to check in. About three weeks ago, I had a really long conversation with my parents. This was maybe just a couple of week or so after my laying it out for my mom why RC and I broke up. I laid out for my mom how the biggest reason I am in grad school was for them (which is partially true), and how I really don't want to be in school, and school and research in general make me unhappy.

She seemed really surprised, asking me "But, I thought you wanted to go to grad school." *sigh* Such ignorance and injustice. That pretty much opened up all the flood gates, and I proceeded to tell her that she and dad never listened to what I wanted.

She used to always ask me "Why wouldn't you go to grad school? Why wouldn't you try to get the highest degree you can?" Errr .... maybe because getting degrees isn't like picking out apples at the supermarket? Even when I had four job offers on hand my fourth year in college, when I told them that I didn't want to apply to grad schools anymore, that I want to take one of the job offers and just see how I feel about school in a couple of years, their response was that I can't let go of the opportunity of grad school. If I don't even apply, I won't have that door open for me, and especially since I'd always wanted to go to grad school (a sentiment they forced on me). *sigh* Such ignorant bullshit.

At one point, I remember telling my mom about my thoughts of going with one of the consulting job offers and going to business school after a couple of years or so. She seemed okay with the idea, but her first question was "How does an MBA compare to a PhD? Are they at the same level?" All she cared about was the level of education I needed to attain, not the practicality of it. After my dad told her that a MBA is a MASTERS degree, god forbid, she decided that MBAs were no good because they weren't PhDs.

Her next project was to get me to get a finance/management PhD. "Why go just for the MBA? Why not get the PhD?" Errrr .... maybe because the only reason you get a PhD is if you want to teach and do research in finance, and I wouldn't NEED a PhD to be a banker. She is so ignorant, yet so insistent on what she feels is the pinnacle of education: the highest degree possible, the elusive doctorate.

Throughout my phone conversation with her, what my mom just couldn't seem to fathom was how this could possibly be? She was flabbergasted that I never told them before that I didn't really want to go to grad school, and how can this be true when I've never told them before? I never told them because I didn't want to get more lectures about how I've strayed from the path of education and knowledge. Whenever I questioned grad school, they always asked me because how I can be content with just a B.S. when I know there is MORE out there? They are blinded by the status of a PhD.

So now my relationship with my parents are a bit strained. I feel awkward talking to them. I figure time will help, because no matter what happens, they're still my parents. However, given this and the conversation about RC, I just feel much less willing to talk to them about things. They think about problems in a completely different light than I do, and theirs isn't necessarily helpful. It's too conservative, too ignorant.

And yet another part of me feels terrible for having brought about this rift between me and my parents. I don't want to resent them, and I don't want them to know that I resent them. *sigh* So it turns out that my parents are typical Asian parents after all: they simply can't let go and allow me to make my own decisions.