As cliched as it is to have a "calling", I don't have one, but want one. Spawned partially by the two recent books I read, I want to have something to puruse that I really care about and that doesn't feel pretentiously empty. I am currently working in science, and from childhood I have always thought of science as being noble. Without debating the merits of actually still possessing such a naive outlook, science is just not my calling.
I came up north for a five-year stint, liking the comfort of knowing exactly what I would do for a stable long time (the merits of this decision-making reasoning is also debatable). Now that I am way past the half-way point, I am anxious to set up the next step of my life. The stress comes not from the excitement of option exploration nor from not knowing what to do, but rather that most every career choice I encounter feels empty.
I view most career choices with utter disgust as I imagine the many days of this job I would have to live through before I turn 65 and retire. I don't want a Dilbert cubicle life. I don't really want the high-life of banks and consulting firms, as much as those are tempting. I don't want the life of a minnion lost in the large corporation culture of company mottos and "personnel development", nor that of the government advisor soullessly lobbying for society-damaging entities like Big Oil.
It depresses me that I have no answers to the question of "With everything set aside, with no worries in this world, what can you see yourself doing?" I just know that I feel empty about what I am doing now. I just know that I have a feeling of wanting more, that there has to be something out there to better fill this void ... but what is it?
What is my calling?
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