I have no idea how to put into words my current degree of shock ...
People in my life, in all of our lives, come and go all the time, but we inevitably make an effort to hold on to the good ones. Most people do anyway. Lately, I have made no effort at all and indeed have probably made negative effort. I had (am still having) a record of blatantly ignoring old friends simply because I don't want to deal with catch-up small-talk.
Facebook delivered a add-friend request to me today, from one of my best friends in high school, but with whom I had kinda lost touch in the last 3-4 years. Last time I saw her, I was sleeping on her couch during Homecoming weekend at my alma mater (she went there for med school after college). Last I talked to her, over email, was sometime after the couch-bumming. She was pestering me because it was less than two weeks to her wedding, I hadn't RSVPed, and her parents needed to know the final numbers.
To be honest, I don't actually even remember if the couch-sleeping and the wedding happened in the same year.
I do remember emailing her back with regrets for the wedding, and that I gritted my teeth and included in the same email some obligatory, but empty-intentioned, "how are things?", "haven't heard from you in a while", "you have to tell me about Mark [fiance]", "talk to you soon."
She didn't write back, and I wrote it all off without much thought. "Oh well, I'm sure I'll call her next time I'm at my alma mater." I didn't...
Fast forward to today's (this year's) shocker: when I sifted through her Facebook profile, looking at pictures of the man she captioned "my hubby", I realized that she, in fact, DID NOT MARRY MARK.
I do not recognize her husband at all. Worst of all, I have absolutely no recollection of this whole relationship transition. She comes from a conservative Indian family, and Mark was a white guy, but I remember her saying that her parents were fine with her marrying Mark. They just wished that he'd go ahead and get going with proposing since he had already been dating her for three years at that time. When she announced that she had gotten engaged, I seem to remember even feeling relief that Mark had proposed and that her parents would finally probably stop fretting and nagging.
Except. She. Didn't. Marry. Mark.
Not only was I a bad friend for not going to her wedding, not only was I a complete bitch to not even RSVP on time, not only was I terrible for not calling/writing to see how she was doing after the wedding (or anytime after, period) ...
Not only all of that ... but I had thought she was married to a completely different guy for the entire past two years (three? I don't remember!). I don't know how to begin to describe the new friendship-low that I just sank to.
How could I have missed this? How could I have not known?? Not even a clue??
I am so ashamed. I am beyond ashamed.
I can't even bring myself to reciprocate her facebook friend request.
4 comments:
Here's my two cents... time passes, life happens, you stay in touch or you don't. You hold on to people or you don't; sometimes some inexplicable thing keeps you from maintaining contacts and sometimes it's just so much work.
But sometimes an old friend contacts you and if you let yourself it can be just like no time has passed, and you wonder "why didn't I stay in touch with this person?"
you have no reason not to reciprocate. She obviously still cares enough to make the contact with you so go for it.
PS thanks for visiting Sunrays and Saturdays which is a reference to the Vertical Horizon song. But it's become very much a secondary blog of mine. These days I'm spending more time posting on "Midlife- A Journey"
thanks all ... i've definitely calmed down a bit :)
mpp: i think you're absolutely right. time passes, and things happen. just let it be and go with the flow
loz: you're right, too! i've already approved her friend request
Good to hear - any word back yet?
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