petty things

A friend is having a birthday party tonight. At a bar.

Normally, it's not a big deal. A bar is nice. You can invite a lot of people to a bar. If not a whole lot of people show up, the bar is still full from other going-outers. Even a fancy bar is fine. I used to do the fancy bar/club scene not so long ago. I remember liking it.

There's even a guestlist to give us all discounts on cover.

I'm a little peeved because the discounted cover is still $20. I just think that's a bit inconsiderate and presumptuous--to have a birthday celebration at a bar with a $20 cover, after guestlist discount. Who knows what the regular cover is.

Maybe I'm cheap. Maybe this is normal for a big city New York. I don't know. We're not in New York.

When I had my birthday at a fancy bar two years ago, I made sure to get a place where I could negotiate complimentary admissions for all of my guests (all 50 or so). The normal cover at that place was $20 on a Saturday night. I even got drink tickets and handed them out as people came so their first couple of drinks would be on me. I felt that was the least I could do since in the end, I was the one asking them to come out to celebrate my birthday.

Some say I went overboard, that I didn't have to give out drink tickets. Whatever. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. I probably wouldn't buy that many drink tickets if I were to do it over again, but I would definitely still make sure I could have a guestlist of at least 50 people who wouldn't have to pay cover.

I hate the idea of making my friends choose between coming out to celebrate my birthday or saving up their money so they don't starve by the end of the month.

Like I feel now. Tonight, I feel obligated to go help a friend celebrate her birthday. But I really don't have the expendable income cushion at the end of a very expensive summer (New York wedding, bridesmaids expenses, expensive Montreal trip, eating out twice a week after frisbee, organizing and splitting costs for friends' going-away parties) to feel comfortable blowing $20 just on bar cover.

I can guarantee that I won't have a single drink once I'm inside the bar tonight.

This summer, for the first time, I've sincerely wished that I had a better-paying job. It would be nice to have a job where I don't have to think as much about budgeting. No matter how much I make, I hope that I will always still budget and save, but I want to be able to celebrate things and go out without feeling uncomfortably reluctant.

I don't remember feeling like this before. I'd always said I feel comfortable with how much money I have. I don't need much, and what I make meets my lifestyle needs.

Either I've gotten cheaper this year or my lifestyle has drastically changed.