weird dreams

Dream #1, two nights ago

I'm lying in bed with my roommate. (My roommate is male, American, white, 5'7"ish, nice average-looking guy) We're being affectionate and snuggling, and he keeps leaning in close to kiss me on the lips. I always turn away so that he gets the cheek. Finally I give in, and we make out. He's a good kisser, but I keep thinking of what to say to Broadway. I also keep pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming this, and am disappointed when I realize that I am fully awake and not dreaming (ironic, since it was a dream after all). I wanted it to be a dream so that I wouldn't have actually done anything to have to confess to Broadway.

Dream #2, last night

I'm back to college at a reunion of sorts with a group of close college buddies, including the Ex and his now wife. Broadway did not come with me. In the afternoon, with everyone else gone somewhere else, the Ex and I start talking to each other, and it's a very frank and intimate conversation about our relationship, where we've been, and where we are now. He said that he and I had a better relationship than he and current wife. This completely surprised me because I assumed our relationship would pale in comparison with his current one, and it made me mad because I couldn't understand why he would marry her after just a couple of years of dating if he doesn't even love her that much.

This confession brings us closer, and we end up snuggling in bed, naked, but in the giant hotel suite that our group all got together. Someone comes back to the suite and catches us laying together naked and I jump out of bed covering myself with a sheet. His wife comes back too and realizes what happened and storms back to their room crying. He and I look at each other, and I ask, "That's bad, huh? Does she know who I am?" And he says that she definitely knows me, and that I've always been a contentious part of their relationship.

He then leaves to go console her, leaving me to wonder what I should say to Broadway.

I don't know what these dreams mean. Am I lonely? Am I horny? Do I just want someone to snuggle in bed with?

Does this mean that I'm still somehow holding out hope for the Ex? I really don't think I am. What does this say about how I feel about Broadway?

In both dreams, I had the same feeling of dread, guilt, disappointment of "wow, I can't believe I did that, what do I tell Broadway now?"

It's definitely in line with my daydreams about being with other men. I love Broadway to no end. He provides me with all the care that I want and need and would do anything for me, but he's not particularly passionate. Or rather, I'm not particularly passionate about him in bed. We have so much emotional connection, but only minimal physical connection. I fantasize a lot but of course never act on the fantasies because I know how much that would ruin Broadway.

I sometimes fantasize about having an open relationship where we're both free to physically explore with other people but come home and have each other at the end of the day. I don't think I will care that much about the girls he explores with, and part of that is because I know he probably won't see that many other women, if any, whereas I would definitely have fun with a bunch of men.

So I don't know what those dreams mean. I am not attracted to my roommate in the least bit, and I definitely think I am completely over the Ex. And I don't want to hurt Broadway anymore.