One day in our neighborhood ice cream shop, Mr. Religious introduced me to Mr. Lawyer as one of the earlier investors of the shop as well as being a hot shot local criminal lawyer who only took on ridiculously hard murder cases. Mr. Lawyer was striking in appearance definitely. Despite being mostly grey (but sexy grey in the Anderson Cooper way), he had bright blue piercing eyes, a toned physique, a firm handshake, an international man of mystery air about him.
He was clearly old and obviously rich if he had the money to be a serious investor 20 years ago. During our conversation, Mr. Lawyer kept referring back to a gorgeous black woman sitting nearby with her friend. She looked about my age, and it later became apparent that this woman was Mr. Lawyer's girlfriend. And they met 8 years ago at a gay bar a few blocks down the street.
Oh Cambridge.
Fast forward a few weeks. I'd stopped going to the ice cream shop to work for various reasons but dropped in this Monday afternoon to finish some work and to borrow their free wifi to take care of a few things online.
Mr. Lawyer came in for a cup of tea (he gets anything he wants for free anytime, a perk of being an investor I suppose) and spotted me at the central table working. We both recognized each other, so he stopped to chat. He told me about his summer travels and also his plans for getting married.
"Oh! Congratulations! I had no idea. This is the woman you introduced us to last time, right?" Leaving out any qualifiers because the only one I could think of was "the *very young* woman". But yes, it was her.
He eventually had to leave and go back to work, but first needed to speak with the owner of the shop in the back office. So we shook hands, made nice, and I said maybe we'd run into each other again at our favorite neighborhood coffee/ice cream shop.
Five minutes later, on his way out the door from the back office, he came by again and asked, "Do you like baseball?"
"Sure, I like baseball just fine."
"Would you be interested in going to a Red Sox game tomorrow?"
"Haha, sure, I'm always up for a Sox game. I'll wear my hat!"
We decided to meet up at the ice cream shop the next day and walk over to Fenway together. I rushed and got there a few minutes late, but he still wasn't there. Just as I thought I was getting stood up, Mr. Lawyer with his sexy greying hair walked in the door, all smiles.
We grabbed some tacos by Fenway before the game started, and since it was pouring rain outside, we ate the tacos at the dive bar hoping to avoid getting drenched as much as possible by the time we get to the game.
A very drunk guy came up to us while we sat eating our tacos, eyed us, and asked, "How old are you two?"
"I'm 49," said Mr. Lawyer. The guy looks to me.
"I'm 28."
"Wow, he must be reeeeally good then," the guy went on, glancing over at Mr. Lawyer, not exactly in an admiring tone. Then he turned to Mr. Lawyer and started on a rampage.
"You're sick. You're a piece of shit. You good for nothing son of a bitch. What the hell are you doing out with someone HER age. YOU are a failure." And the rampage got more crass the more he got into it. Mr. Lawyer's reaction the whole time was just to nod his head and say things like "you betcha", "you're a real winner".
I guess there wasn't much Mr. Lawyer could have said to defend himself seeing that he is soon getting married to a 30-year-old woman. The drunk finally left, but not before telling us that he gets to go home and f- his wife, who's only five years younger than him. Mr. Lawyer seemed taken aback, but handled the attack calmly and well. He is a lawyer, after all.
We left the taco place for Fenway, but by the time we got there, the game had been canceled on account of rain. Mr. Lawyer asked if I'd be up for a drink somewhere instead. Never one to turn down drinks, I said sure.
The thought crossed my mind at some point that this felt potentially not quite right. The whole episode of Mr. Lawyer asking me to the game, our meeting up and walking together to the game, the tacos beforehand, the drinks to replace the rained-out game, it all screamed DATE. Except Mr. Lawyer is grey, 49, and getting married soon... to a woman only two years older than me.
Conversation over drinks was ... great. He doesn't drink, and I only had one beer, so it wasn't the alcohol smoothing things over. Somehow my recent stalker incidents came up (a story on its own that I will have to remember to tell), and that started us down a path of talking about relationships. No, that's not true. The relationship gate was opened earlier in the evening when he asked if I had a boyfriend. Always one for keeping up calm appearances, I mentioned having ended a very serious relationship a year ago, and so now I'm not in any real rush to start a new one.
I eventually finished up my beer, and we walked back to the ice cream shop where we'd met up earlier and started to say goodbye when he interrupted.
"I don't necessarily want to end things on an awkward note, but I just want to make sure I'm honest about everything."
"Sure, what's up?"
"I'm really attracted to you, if you can't tell. And it obviously can't lead to anything because I'm getting married, and she'd castrate me."
So why bring this up? He claimed that he wanted to make sure there weren't any undertones of unknown tension when we hang out, so he wanted to get his feelings out there. But he also asked if I feel the same way, and I just didn't know how to answer that. I guess I feel the same way as I do with most guys with whom I can have a great conversation - he's nice, but there's a mental block that's preventing me from jumping his bones.
In Mr. Lawyer's case, he's 1) getting married, and 2) 49.
In Kix's case, he's overly cynical, and I don't need a repeat of Broadway (Kix is another story worth telling).
So I thanked Mr. Lawyer for speaking his mind, reiterated that I always welcome honesty and stabbing the elephant in the room (can College Ed get some lessons in this?), and that I was flattered, but avoided answering the question of how I feel.
He said that he'd love to continue hanging out (hmm), as friends (hmm), and maybe he and his fiance will have a BBQ at their place or something, and he'd love for me to come over.
Hmm.
5 comments:
Hmmmm... do you consider me an "older man" too? ;)
Well... given how often I hear women complaining about men who "play games", I actually think his honesty is kinda refreshingly straightforward. He's not trying to trick you into anything, or to set up a situation where something "just happens".
That said, my suggestion would not to hang out with him (and certainly not to spend extensive periods of time with him) until after he's married. If he wants to invite you over to his place for a BBQ gathering (emphasis: a group situation) after that, then by all means go. You both know of his weakness (his attraction to you) and so both have a responsibility not to get into potentially dangerous situations. I think after time (or after you meet someone), it's entirely possible a platonic friendship will develop.
He's getting married at the age of 49?
Is obviously a commitment-phobe.
Is most likely trying to use you as an indirect 'out' of the relationship.
Has most likely had affairs behind his fiance's back.
Is most likely conducting at least one other affair right now and would like to add you to his harem.
Is operating from the Tiger Woods and Arnold The Governator pick-up artist manual: identify target, disarm them by citing committed relationship, express interest, make sure they know if anything develops it won't go anywhere, guage their interest, proceed to full affair if she's willing.
Question is.
Are you willing?
Aw, I love how some men think that being honest might absolve them of any responsibility related to erred judgment.
Speaking as a woman who has been bedded by not one but two married men, allow me to offer a word to the wise. Turn 180deg and run. Nothing good can come from it. Not-a-thing.
PS: Thanks for the link! Made my day. Oh heck, my week.
totally agree with Anonymous and Paige Jennifer. this guy does not just want to be friends, and is probably a philanderer. i for one would *not* want my boyfriend hanging out one-on-one with some random woman. it would be another thing if you all were already friends, or knew each other for a long time in some other capacity.
You know, I've brought up the possibility that you are kinda poly and that monogamy isn't for you. Maybe he is poly? In which case, the way to be ethical about that is to get permission directly from his fiancee. If they're in the scene and it tempts you, this could be an entry. If they aren't, this is garden-variety creeping and you think of that whatever you do.
You didn't mention whether you are attracted to him specifically, which seems like another important piece of information.
Splum
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