Humanized, now what?

Most of it was in my head, but not all.

I wasn't about to initiate contact with College Ed after a horrible rejection experience, and we went on for a week without communicating. Agonizing, humiliating, want-to-crawl-into-hole demoralizing.

A week passed, and he contacted me. "I asked about dinner tonight last week, but just realized that I didn't follow up. Would you still be up for it?"

All conventional wisdom points to saying no, but I didn't. I dragged myself out, debated whether or not to have a "talk," any "talk," about how agonizing the last week had been for me. But this was two days before my thesis defense, and I really didn't need additional emotional turmoil.

Turns out, he tries to kiss me at the end of the night before we parted. I, not about to assume anything this time, stood stoically thinking he just wanted a hug. But he went in for the kiss and got the corner of my mouth (I didn't move, so did he change direction last minute when sensing my lack of movement?).

Oh, so he IS actually interested. I pulled him in for a second kiss, on the lips, but just a peck. Awkward.

That was last Tuesday night. He came to my thesis defense Thursday as well as part of the evening celebrations. We went on a proper date Saturday night, and I stayed over.

That's actually a lot of seeing each other over the course of one week. And he became humanized. He has a lot of problems.

He's another guy with anxiety issues, though not as clear and not as willing to admit to them. He is extremely passive and has a hard time talking about things explicitly, naming the elephant in the room so-to-speak. He seems really hesitant on relationships, and I don't get the sense that it's because of me.

But mostly, the anxiety is so obviously a part of him, a part that a regular once-a-week friend would have a hard time picking up. So he hides it well. But I'm intuitive, and I'm not afraid to call him out.

I emailed him Sunday about the next time we might hang out. No response.

Men.