dinner with Y

Y and I finally got together for dinner last night, after the many weeks of "hey, let's do dinner" and not being able to find a time. I was no longer wondering why he would want to get dinner (okay, maybe I was a little bit), but basically I hadn't even seen him in some 2 or 3 weeks, let alone go back to the old habits we developed over the summer.

It was a nice dinner; we talked like good friends catching up. He even told me about a girl he went on a date with (it didn't lead anywhere; he never called her again despite saying "I'll call you"). I asked him how things were with M, and things really aren't so good. He said that as an acquaintance, she's okay, but he's lost so much respect for her as a person that he doesn't really want to even be close friends. He said that she lacks all the qualities he would look for in a friend, and he thinks that she always saw him as a safety net: a friend whom she could call whenever she was in trouble. Yet, he felt that she never did anything for him, and was never there when he really needed her.

Hmm ... I'm not sure what would happen with that. I think with school having started, our gang really haven't even hung out very much lately, so maybe things will be okay. By the time we're less busy and all hanging out a lot together, maybe by then, Y and M will have worked out most of their issues. If nothing else, time will have smoothed some things over. Though in all honesty, some of the stuff he said about M, I totally agreed with.

Y also mentioned my blog (the other non-anonymous one). He said that he discovered it one day and was so surprised to see this other side of me. I asked him what he meant by "this other side," and he said that he never knew I had an angry, pissed-off side. He said that it was nice to see that side, but he wondered why I never talk about the things on my blog with him or other people in my friend group. I told him that the opportunity almost never presents itself for me to mention the things I end up writing about in my blog because inevitably we're in a big group, and who wants to hear me gripe about my advisor's dog eating my homework?

Though now that I think about it more, I think the things I write in my blog are thoughts I have that I want to share with someone (anyone), but that I feel selfish expressing in a conversation because I would feel like the conversation would be too me-heavy. The things you share in a conversation with a group of friends (or even one friend), or even the way you present things, are so different than what you would say when given a chance to deliver a monologue.

I think both of my blogs allow me the chance to get on stage and act out my own one-man show without fear of appearing self-centered, talking too much about myself, complaining too much, boring other people, being rude, too self-absorbed, and a whole slew of other things that are deemed negative characteristics.

So I think Y and I are over our friends with benefits stage. It kinda started and ended without our ever talking about anything. It's a little strange to me; I feel like we should have at least acknowledged it, but things seem to be fine between us. It's almost scary that there's no awkwardness (makes me think if there are secret sentiments luring underneath somewhere, in me and in him).

Things on the RC front are going very well, and as a result, I can't seem to find a way to stop spending time with him so that I can finish writing my thesis proposal.