friends vs. dating

I had lunch with M again yesterday, and she told me about her current dilemma ... she's dating this guy; if she were to have a relationship, it would be with him, but she doesn't know if she wants a relationship. Furthermore, he wants to hang out with her and her friends (which would include the whole gang of Y, J, and several others), but things would be very awkward and weird with Y.

It's interesting that we both feel so alienated with our own friend circle in terms of wanting to keep our dating lives separate. I think about why I have never introduced the guys I've dated to the friend circle. I feel like I ultimately ask myself, "is it worth it?" I don't try to hide dates from my friend group, but I also don't go running around saying, "Oh, I can't come to this party Friday night because I have a date."

I think I personally enjoy the attention afforded to me by the guys of our group; it's certainly an ego-booster. I think there is always some sexual tension between me and the guys (and also between M and the guys), and that's why both of us feel like we want to keep our dating lives separate from the friends. If we introduce a date into the circle, it would disrupt the balance/status quo, and neither one of us really knows what would happen.

Back in January, when my friend circle was quite a bits different, I remember going on a first date with a guy for dinner. After dinner, neither one of us really wanted to part ways, so I asked if he would like to come with me to a bar where a bunch of my friends were that night. Everybody ended up having loads of fun.

Something like that would never happen with my current friend group, mainly because of this question I keep asking myself, "Is is worth it?" Is it worth it to introduce the guy to the group, hurt Y in the process (we've never talked about dating other people), throw my dynamic with the group into wack, when the guy may only be sticking around for another date or two?

Perhaps I can use wanting to introduce the guy to the friends as a ruler for how I feel about the guy. If I consistently want to keep things very separate, even after multiple dates, then it probably means I am not that into him. If, however, I want to bring him into the circle, then it's a sign that I'm ready to take things to the next level.