UGH, men

It turned out that he didn't get the ecard. He said that he would have replied had he gotten something like that; maybe it went to his spam folder. I told him that he can't just disappear like that. If he's stressed, that's fine. If he wants some space and time, that's fine. But he can't be incommunicado. I told him that it's not something that I can deal with; it would be an incompatibility. I can't be with someone in a serious relationship, a marriage, if he's the type of person who, whenever he gets stressed, disappears off the face of the earth and cuts me out of his life for three days.

His response? "Well, that's how I am. I don't think I'm right for you. So is this it?" It is true; that's how he's always been. He cuts off everyone from his life. He drops people. But can't he at least say he's willing to try??

I asked him why he says things just to hurt. I knew what he was doing because I used to do the same thing. To Key. I would say things expressly because I knew those things would hurt, and I wanted to hurt him in those situations. I've learned since, and have gotten over that. Now RC is doing the same to me.

He's such a all-or-nothing person. At the first signs of things not working, any inkling that I am doubtful about us, he wants out. "Why be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? I'll leave, no problem, no regrets" he said. That was his response when I made the statement, "If that's how you want to be, you can take your stuff and go home." We both are so stubborn, and I guess I still do throw words out because I know they would hurt. He just throws that hurt right back at me.

We're going to his friend's Thanksgiving dinner--because he said, "we always go do stuff with YOUR friends, so for once why can't YOU be the one who doesn't know anybody around the table and feel awkward?"--"okay baby, we'll go to your friend's place."

Even though THREE of my friends invited me to Thanksgiving dinner weeks ago. I'll turn down all three of them to go with you to your friend's, who decided two days ago to cook Thanksgiving dinner.

Friday was supposed to be our day by ourselves. A friend visiting me from out-of-town put that in a bit of jeopardy, but in the end, she changed her flight to leave Boston tomorrow instead of Friday, so Friday is now once again Mini-and-RC day. I asked him at the beginning of the phone conversation if he still wanted to keep with those plans because I knew he has so much he needs to get done in the next week or so. I asked repeatedly, checked and double-checked. He assured me that's what he wanted to do, and he'll get everything done tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday.

At the end of the conversation, I asked him the same thing. Does he still want the bed and breakfast reservation we have for Friday night. I asked because I felt like we may not even be dating anymore on Friday. Our relationship is *that* fragile right now. He said he still wanted the reservations. Maybe it'll be a good day for us, or maybe we'll just end up spending the whole day talking.

Toward the end, he admitted to having said some things because he was just going off of the steam and momentum of being pissed off. He said that he wants to try, to not completely block me off when he's stressed out, to let me inside that perpetual wall he has up. He asked me if I would let him try. I told him I would.

Of course I would, as long as he's worthy. And he's worthy ... right? RIGHT??