i still am lucky

I just got off the phone with my mom; we talked for almost two hours, 2/3 of which was about RC. I told her that I was really surprised she and dad had already made a conclusive decision regarding RC, that I should no longer see him. She said that in the grand scheme of things, they do think that would be the best decision for me because it's not as if I have my own problems that make me unattractive to men (she means things like an amputation, stuff beyond the typical physique, personality), why do I need to go into something knowing what the long-term risks are?

What she said, which I have definitely thought about independently of what her & dad have talked about, is that who knows what RC's wellbeing would be 20, 30 years down the road? Would he be bed-ridden at 50? Would he need a wheelchair because of advanced osteoporosis? Would we need to hire help every time a light bulb on the vault ceiling needs to be fixed because he can't climb ladders at age 40 because of his back? What would this mean for me? Would I be significantly caring for him on a daily basis as early as 10 years from now?

Her point was that if I'm already committed, married, and an accident happens, nobody can predict that. In that situation, as his wife, I should absolutely take full responsibility of supporting and caring for my husband. That's just what life calls for. But right now, why would I go into a commitment KNOWING that I would be shouldering all of these responsibilities?

She then added that all of this, of course, is if I don't feel like he is absolutely the one. If I have reservations about him anyhow, then this ONE BIG ISSUE should be one big issue over the edge to break up now and not drag this out any longer and make it any harder on both of us. However, if I do absolutely want to be with him, if I said that this is it, then she and dad would be okay with things. They would then only remind me to think about, acknowledge, and fully accept the responsibilities I have to him 20 years from now.

If I really decide that I want to be with him, she said that she and dad would be happy for me, and they would support me in that decision and embrace him as a part of our family.

That's when I started crying. I told her that I knew she would feel this way, but that I thought that dad would not be as understanding, and he essentially told me last night that I shouldn't be with RC anymore. Mom then said that was because my dad thought I was taking things too lightly, that I told him I was out with friends and couldn't really talk, so he felt like I just wasn't taking things seriously enough, not considering everything there is to consider. Mom said that she and dad had already talked so extensively about this, and their conclusion was that with the facts, they don't think I should keep seeing RC. However, they have no way of knowing how deeply we feel about each other, and in the end, if he's the one that I truly want to be with, then they would only be happy for me.

I told my mom that if it weren't for this one thing, I'm pretty sure that RC is the one for me. But this one thing, I've kept thinking about. Then I started crying again and I asked my mom why things are always this hard. Why is there always one BIG thing that breaks the deal?? Religion broke the deal with Key. And now this with RC. She just sighed and tried to tell me not to cry, that it's just all a part of life.

But in the end, I feel lucky to have parents who love me so much and support me so much through what I want to do and what I want in life. I think that's all that I can ask for from them: their advice, and always their constant support.