Randomly, with nothing to do, I went to facebook again (yes, I know I'm addicted). Looking at friends' updates wasn't enough, I had to look up EJ again (Key's girlfriend). What do I find? It was her birthday today. F*ck. Now I'm going crazy thinking about what he got her, betting that he got her something awesome, took her to do something awesome because he was always so good about the things he gave, and the things he planned for special occasions.
I kept organizing stuff today, putting things away in their new places after some major furniture-rearranging ... and what do I find? Letters from Key. Letters from when the summer I was in Atlanta: "I don't know what the future will be, but I know that I love you, I want to be with you, I need you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to keep that."
How people change.
Why do I look up information on EJ?? Ugh, why can't I just let things rest and not know details? I just make myself more depressed thinking about her, seeing pictures of her, knowing that it's her birthday and he probably did something so wonderfully sweet and thoughtful that she was on the verge of tears and all she wanted to do was to hug him hard forever.
I know that's how he always made me feel.
3 comments:
omg, i do that too, in myspace. and i always kick myself afterwards, but i can't help it. it's like a sickness.
You asked to be her friend? hee hee. Its kind of nice to really feel the feelings of a breakup. I think its good to let yourself do that every now and then. Im praying for you.
These silly, obsessive things are annoying sometimes aren't they? Yeah, I did that for a long time with one ex. I still check baby registries to see if he'll actually have a kid with his wife. I'm really ashamed of myself. On a good note, I forgot about his birthday until three weeks later.
It's always hard to let go of someone who was a huge part of the your life. It never completely goes away, but it fades with time.
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