I know I'm really busy when I don't even remember to visit blogs I generally check at least once a day. I realized today that I haven't really read anyone's blog for a few days, let alone write in my own. There were several times in the past few days when I thought about writing something, with the same title as this entry, but in the end, I just didn't feel like enumerating everything.
Basically, this past week has been one big dump of flakeyness from the sky, from friends, from colleagues, from acquaintances, from everyone around me. I felt like I was going out of my way to accommodate people, but not only were my extra efforts unacknowledged, people were taking advantage of me my generosity. I'm not usually one to complain and whine (in person, not in blog-form), so even when I do go out of my way for someone, I don't really make a big deal of it. Mostly, people don't really even know my thought process, and the sacrifice (though mostly trivial) I decided to make on their behalf. But when everything backfires and nothing gets appreciated, I can only take so much.
Key's email was the first major let-down, and while one can argue how I probably was more emotionally invested in that than I would have been with any other friend, it was a huge disappointment nonetheless, and objectively speaking, I think what he did was pretty insensitive and rude.
Additionally, there is a colleague I have been helping for most of this past month on one of her major projects for the year. The big deadline was this past Saturday, and essentially, she has been making unreasonable demands on me all week leading up to the deadline. My normal working relationship with her is that she heads up a committee, and I oversee her committee, along with a few others. About a month ago, she asked me to be one of 4 others (herself included) who would form the core of organizing her big committee project of the year. Since I knew the other committees would be pretty quiet this time of year, I agreed to help her because I thought that was one way I could offer her as much support as possible.
She and I then agreed on what all sub-tasks I would be in charge with. On average, I think most people would see me as being above-competent in the tasks I complete, but she is a micro-manager at heart. She called me repeatedly to check in, including several calls when I traveled to DC and got stuck because of multiple flight cancellations due to the storm in the northeast, even after I told her I was stuck in DC and couldn't do anything. The phone calls were more annoyances than anything else, but she really got crazy in the few days right before the big deadline.
To make a long story short, as organized as she tried to be, she couldn't anticipate all the problems that did come up. I dealt with, and provided solutions, to all of them as best as I could, especially given the circumstances. 99 people out of 100 would have said "Wow, thanks so much for taking care of that for me. That wasn't exactly how I envisioned it, but it will work just great, and really is the best we can do at this point." Her, on the other hand, was completely dissatisfied and requested that I redo things including start over on something three hours before the deadline on Saturday. I'm as much of a perfectionist as the next person over, but I also know when to let up and agree that while something is not perfect, it is more than good enough.
In the end, none of my help really got acknowledged. My going out of my way for her project not only landed me no thanks but angered me and stressed me out.
So again, who's helping me?
The other big example from this past week is a good, old friend and RC both letting me down. Both had said that they would go snowboarding with me this past Sunday. I had to go because I signed up to lead a bus trip, incidentally as a favor to another friend who was really in a bind because he hadn't gotten enough volunteers (again, me going out of my way for people around me). I mentioned this to RC when I first signed up as a bus leader. Since it's to a mountain we both have season passes for, and he has his own equipment, it wouldn't cost him anything extra because the bus transportation is about equivalent to his share of a tank of gas if we drove ourselves. The bus is actually better because we can both sleep on the bus instead of having to drive.
He agreed right away to going on the bus trip with me.
I reminded RC of this toward the end of last week, mentioning that the sign-ups would be Monday through Wednesday, but that the buses usually fill up fairly quickly. He again confirmed that he would be sure to sign up on Monday. I also mentioned the bus trip to Old Friend, who canceled on a personal trip I organized a couple of weeks back for a few friends. I might add that she decided not to come on that trip when I called her to confirm the night before.
Come Monday, Old Friend signed up for the bus trip, but not RC. Tuesday, with only 6 spots left on the bus, I called RC to say he should sign up asap. He told me that he wasn't sure he wanted to go anymore and asked if Old Friend had signed up (I mentioned to RC that Old Friend had indicated interest). When I told him yes, he used that to justify his decision to no longer go. When I expressed disappointment, he thought I was unreasonable, and I told him I thought I was only holding him to what he said he would do. Regardless, it became a futile discussion because the 6 remaining spots were quickly gone.
Now Old Friend is rather notorious for not being all that reliable with her word, and West Side knows this. In fact, when I told West Side that Old Friend and I were going snowboarding, she warned me that Old Friend may drop out. I told West Side that I thought it was unlikely because Old Friend had already signed up and paid for bus+lift+rental, and she would lose all that money by canceling because the trip does not offer discounts. West Side actually told me to not be so sure.
Again, to make a long story short, Old Friend backed out of the trip, AND got away with it in terms of the money because she sold her spot to someone on the waitlist wanting to go but who couldn't sign up in time. This left me extremely upset, feeling furthered wronged by the fact that I had been completely willing, without a word, to spend a whole day on the bunny slopes with Old Friend to teach her snowboarding because this would have been her first time. I am very skittish about going down a mountain without a buddy, mainly because I got into a very major accident last season that left me not unable to walk for a couple of months. I want someone there with me should something major ever come up, and of course be there for the other person. Now, both RC and Old Friend backed out on me, and I was stuck going by myself. I couldn't back out at the last minute because I was leading the bus trip.
Three big examples, all within the same week, not to mention several small relatively trivial things I would have otherwise shrugged off (canceled dinner plans because of last minute scheduling conflict, changed meeting agenda that cut out my less-important item, pizza party with no food left when I arrived a mere 15 minutes after the event started, etc. etc)....
I just feel really really exhausted. Seriously, who is looking out for me?
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