I really do wonder

I really do wonder sometimes why I go through this, why I put myself through the hell of enduring and dealing with his depression. If it's bad now, what will it be like in some years?

I don't know how I am supposed to act. I try to be unminding of the silence from him, and despite the dismissal and lack of warmth I feel, I try to be cheerful and unjudging and continue to interact with him in a normal tone. And still, the best I get in return is nothing. When he does speak, it scathes. He may not intend for it to, but inevitably it does. It's almost better to get the depressing silence in comparison.

I just don't know what I am supposed to do. The only thing I know to do is to walk away, leave him alone, and cry on my own.